Lets be honest, I have not written a blog post for a long time and to be honest I have no idea why. I wish right now more than anything that I could sum up my two years since my last blog post in one word but alas I can not. It is funny to think that when life gets busy the little things start to lose their shimmer and glitter. Soon the small things that gave us hope or laughter slowly fade into the background of a busy day, a stressful week and hurting soul. Although I can not sum up my past two years in one word I can say that I have personally experienced those three things I just mentioned. Life is rough, but God is bigger and His promises are better.
let me plant this word in your mind, FREEDOM!
Imagine this was William Wallace (from Braveheart) yelling out his last words before passing into death. He shouted that word with all of his heart. It is what he desired more than anything.
let me speak this word over you, TRUTH!
Imagine you were at a witness stand in a big crime scandal and they asked for the whole truth and you swore on the Bible to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
for the final thought, WISDOM!
Now you are taking a test and you studied so much or you did not study enough and you pray for wisdom. You hope that you can remember the information you once read or briefly skimmed
So why now? Why do I now decide to write a post. Well, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that this weekend I am going back to Skyview Ranch, the place where my journey started. Who knew that a camp I was so nervous to work at would change my life....Looking back on it now that summer of 2012 was the hardest summer of my life. I was challenged in every way and bent on every side but never broke. I cried endless tears and was exhausted but all the time I heard God's still, small voice saying
" I CALLED YOU HERE AND I AM JUST BEGINNING"
Umm okay God I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about but fine, I am here at Skyview and I will listen. That summer was indeed the beginning I was tired, and stretched to my limits but God was FAITHFUL. I felt lonely and sad but God was LOVING. Those are the two qualities that I needed to learn in order to get me through my sophomore year of college.
Lets have a flash back moment, if I am honest with myself (which I learned is the best thing to be) the only reason I opened my heart up to God that summer at Skyview was because I knew I needed Him to get me through each day. I love Skyview Ranch for that very reason, it showed me that I needed God everyday, a lesson I soon forgot during my sophomore year.
Sophomore year of college I was a mess, a wreck, a anxious girl who shut out emotions and pretended everything was alright. A girl who said she was living for God but was actually running because I was running from everything at that point. I got so good at running that I did not even realize I was doing it. I ran myself right into a big puddle of quicksand where I was trapped and sinking. The best part is that I was to stubborn to cry for help and to helpless to cry. I was on academic probation and my nursing career was failing. Through it all I couldn't of cared less I told myself the lie of
"Oh everything will be alright, this is not that big of a deal, God works everything out, I don't have to be good at nursing" The lies were endless just like my stress.
I could not get free of the quick sand and I was no longer hearing God's voice. I was continuing to sink under the lies that I heard and then began to believe. The girl who learned that she needed God everyday became the girl that fought with God everyday. I was an anxious mess.
Pause, time out! What about those words you posted? Freedom, Truth, Wisdom?? The story does not end here. After my sophomore year ended I began working at another summer camp Gull Lake Ministries (GLM). I know summer camp junkie right here!! I knew I had one more semester at Indiana Wesleyan University to get off of academic probation or I was not going to be able to graduate from IWU with a nursing degree. Pressure is on and I stuck in quicksand.....great! I started working at GLM and boy was it great! I remember reading my bible one morning and I heard
" I CALLED YOU HERE AND I AM JUST BEGINNING"
Funny God, really funny. See you, God, you got me into this mess and I am not relying on You to get me out of it so yeah....rollin the stubborn strength train!! Ohh but boy was I wrong and boy was my heart soften that summer of 2013. I began to see that the work God has started in my life at Skyview was not to teach me another lesson I will forget but to teach me a lesson I will have no choice but to face. I realized this when God spoke to me at GLM and everything came full circle. I had been in this quicksand for so long that it was all I came to know and God said
" NO LONGER WILL YOU SIT IDLE,NO LONGER WILL YOU NOT LISTEN TO MY WORDS"
When God speaks it is the servants (which is me) job to listen and when you listen God is just beginning. So now back to those three words...they are the words that I choose to live by. Freedom encompasses hope and joy. Truth encompasses humility and teachableness. Wisdom encompasses love and passion. After deciding to listen to God and get out of the quick sand I gained a new perspective on life. It was not easy and I am still in the process of listening but boy was it an amazing journey. So next time you are willing to listen to God think of how He is just beginning.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Deep Calls to Deep in the Roar of God's Waterfalls
Deep into the waterfalls of His love. In Psalm 42 the passage talks about being in turmoil and putting your hope in the Savior. The psalmist cries out to God saying " Why am I so depressed? Why this turmoil within me?" That is sometimes how I feel.
I also came to the realization today that all my blogs have been about myself...that isnt bad but I want to write a blog to others giving them encouragement so here it is dunn dunn dunn!!!
Psalm 42 starts out by saying "as the deer longs for the streams of water so I long for you, God". Wow what a cry out, the psalmist is at a point where so much hurt is happening that he longs for God. That is the first thought that comes to his mind how much his soul longs for God. I wonder if that is what you first think of when you are struggling....just a side note. A few lines later the psalmist remarks on how "my tears have been my food day and night" That is a ton of crying, this person is heart broken. People are saying to him "Where is your God" he feels alone. However this loneliness, this brokenness does NOT weigh him down for long. He soon realizes that there is "Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your [God] waterfalls all Your breakers and billows have swept over me the Lord WILL send His faithful love by day His song will be with me in the night-a prayer to the God of my life" This psalmist is committed to God. He wants to go deeper amidst turmoil...WOW!!! How may of us can say we have done that?
Here is my challenge, dont let your struggles keep you from God, call out to Him. Be honest with Him. His love is faithful. Marinate on that, God's faithful love. Deep into the calls of His waterfalls. Put your hope in God just as the psalmist did " Put your hope in God, for I WILL still praise Him my Savior and my God." That is how the passages ends, in praise. May your struggles end in praise and deep in God love
I also came to the realization today that all my blogs have been about myself...that isnt bad but I want to write a blog to others giving them encouragement so here it is dunn dunn dunn!!!
Psalm 42 starts out by saying "as the deer longs for the streams of water so I long for you, God". Wow what a cry out, the psalmist is at a point where so much hurt is happening that he longs for God. That is the first thought that comes to his mind how much his soul longs for God. I wonder if that is what you first think of when you are struggling....just a side note. A few lines later the psalmist remarks on how "my tears have been my food day and night" That is a ton of crying, this person is heart broken. People are saying to him "Where is your God" he feels alone. However this loneliness, this brokenness does NOT weigh him down for long. He soon realizes that there is "Deep calls to deep in the roar of Your [God] waterfalls all Your breakers and billows have swept over me the Lord WILL send His faithful love by day His song will be with me in the night-a prayer to the God of my life" This psalmist is committed to God. He wants to go deeper amidst turmoil...WOW!!! How may of us can say we have done that?
Here is my challenge, dont let your struggles keep you from God, call out to Him. Be honest with Him. His love is faithful. Marinate on that, God's faithful love. Deep into the calls of His waterfalls. Put your hope in God just as the psalmist did " Put your hope in God, for I WILL still praise Him my Savior and my God." That is how the passages ends, in praise. May your struggles end in praise and deep in God love
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Come Follow Me My Disciple
It is crazy to think that in a few short days I will be starting Skyview Ranch summer camp. To me the journey of beginning a new thing is always tough. So many unexpected questions and thoughts, will they ever end? Maybe it is the fear of the unknown that can keep me from experiencing what God truly wants me to? Or maybe I am just not ready to open my heart up yet for selfish reasons? Hmm but all these things...what do they matter? I guess right now I am just in a questioning state, hopefully something good (even if it isnt the answer to my questions) will come from this. While in this state, the thought that is pestering me is am I the only one going through this? As folly as that question may be it is still constant in my head. Following that question comes reasoning, I say to myself of course I am not the only one going through this. Thousand of people have the same thought, at least I hope so haha. Why then do I still feel alone?
For the most part I am super excited to start Skyview, I made a change. I went for the unexpected route, I followed God's will to a new place. AAAHHH there is the true joy....following. By following the Lord's voice I am becoming a disciple. One who "follows" day and night. Listening, waiting, wanting to hear Him. Maybe my state of mind isnt so much questioning but one of uncontentness (if that is a word haha). Crazy right? I never thought I wouldnt be content while following Jesus, being a disciple. However the reality is that even the 12 disciple struggled with fear and questioning in Luke 8:22-25
22 One day he [Jesus] got into a boat with his disciples, and he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set out, 23 and as they sailed he [Jesus] fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water and were in danger. 24 And they went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm. 25 He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and they [disciples] marveled, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that he commands even winds and water, and they obey him?”
Where is your faith? now that is the question that I should be asking myself, if Jesus calmed a raging sea then He can surely help me. Even before that though the disciples followed Jesus into the boat...key word being followed. The disciples listened to idea to go across the lake Once on the lake they were fearful of the storm, right now that is my fear the storm, the unknown. However I know where my faith is, it is in Jesus who calms the storm and who I will gladly follow even if it is to the unknown because when Jesus says come a disciple follows. So I challenge you this week to see where your faith is and listen to Jesus' voice.
For the most part I am super excited to start Skyview, I made a change. I went for the unexpected route, I followed God's will to a new place. AAAHHH there is the true joy....following. By following the Lord's voice I am becoming a disciple. One who "follows" day and night. Listening, waiting, wanting to hear Him. Maybe my state of mind isnt so much questioning but one of uncontentness (if that is a word haha). Crazy right? I never thought I wouldnt be content while following Jesus, being a disciple. However the reality is that even the 12 disciple struggled with fear and questioning in Luke 8:22-25
22 One day he [Jesus] got into a boat with his disciples, and he said to them, “Let us go across to the other side of the lake.” So they set out, 23 and as they sailed he [Jesus] fell asleep. And a windstorm came down on the lake, and they were filling with water and were in danger. 24 And they went and woke him, saying, “Master, Master, we are perishing!” And he awoke and rebuked the wind and the raging waves, and they ceased, and there was a calm. 25 He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and they [disciples] marveled, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that he commands even winds and water, and they obey him?”
Where is your faith? now that is the question that I should be asking myself, if Jesus calmed a raging sea then He can surely help me. Even before that though the disciples followed Jesus into the boat...key word being followed. The disciples listened to idea to go across the lake Once on the lake they were fearful of the storm, right now that is my fear the storm, the unknown. However I know where my faith is, it is in Jesus who calms the storm and who I will gladly follow even if it is to the unknown because when Jesus says come a disciple follows. So I challenge you this week to see where your faith is and listen to Jesus' voice.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Weakness
Aahhh the dreaded word of weakness. The stately manner of the post has just declined because of that word,some may say. Weakness is it something you fear or something to be feared? Can we grasp it or do we not want to have any part of it? These are the questions that I have been thinking about lately in relation to weakness. You see I do not always feel strong nor do I wish too. To further that thought I do not always feel confident or strong. Sometimes I feel weak.
I am going to equate weakness with vulnerability. That is a change in the direction of my post. You see to me weakness is a part of life. I am going to struggle. I am going to feel drained. I am weak. God does not call me to be strong 24/7 He says that in your weakness you are made strong. He will give me strength. After reading that my initial question is why then do I still feel weak? I thought I was suppose to feel strong. Well there is my problem...I want to feel strong I want, me ,me and me. I am so focused on myself that I do not have time to be vulnerable with God. The choice is mine whether I decided to be vulnerable and allow God to give me strength, and not just any strength but a strength that brings renewal and love.
It is so easy for me to constantly look as myself and feel weak, broken and burdened. Then from there to feel sorry for myself and to have the oohh pity me attitude. However God calls me to do something difficult, to not think about myself and to be vulnerable with Him. This is so I can be given strength. Lets just say it is easier said then done, but when it does happen God works through me and I am indeed strong. Not to say that I am not still broken or burdened but those things that weighted to heavily on my heart are not mine anymore because once I accepted that strength those are now in Gods hands.
So the craziness of this whole process is that I have to be weak to be strong...what? You mean I cant just be strong? I believe that the strength that comes through weakness is stronger than the strength that comes just because one day I decide that I am going to be strong. This is because anything that is of God isnt of me. Did you get that? ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that is of God is NOT of me. I am weak until God gives me strength. The strength of this world is fleeting and dull. But the strength of God can increase our weakness to make us strong "28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.30 Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not be faint.(Isaiah 40:28-31)".
So this week if you feel weak give it to God so He can renew your strength because sometimes that is just the little push you need.
I am going to equate weakness with vulnerability. That is a change in the direction of my post. You see to me weakness is a part of life. I am going to struggle. I am going to feel drained. I am weak. God does not call me to be strong 24/7 He says that in your weakness you are made strong. He will give me strength. After reading that my initial question is why then do I still feel weak? I thought I was suppose to feel strong. Well there is my problem...I want to feel strong I want, me ,me and me. I am so focused on myself that I do not have time to be vulnerable with God. The choice is mine whether I decided to be vulnerable and allow God to give me strength, and not just any strength but a strength that brings renewal and love.
It is so easy for me to constantly look as myself and feel weak, broken and burdened. Then from there to feel sorry for myself and to have the oohh pity me attitude. However God calls me to do something difficult, to not think about myself and to be vulnerable with Him. This is so I can be given strength. Lets just say it is easier said then done, but when it does happen God works through me and I am indeed strong. Not to say that I am not still broken or burdened but those things that weighted to heavily on my heart are not mine anymore because once I accepted that strength those are now in Gods hands.
So the craziness of this whole process is that I have to be weak to be strong...what? You mean I cant just be strong? I believe that the strength that comes through weakness is stronger than the strength that comes just because one day I decide that I am going to be strong. This is because anything that is of God isnt of me. Did you get that? ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that is of God is NOT of me. I am weak until God gives me strength. The strength of this world is fleeting and dull. But the strength of God can increase our weakness to make us strong "28 Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. 29 He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.30 Even youths grow tired and weary and young men stumble and fall; 31 but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary they will walk and not be faint.(Isaiah 40:28-31)".
So this week if you feel weak give it to God so He can renew your strength because sometimes that is just the little push you need.
Monday, April 30, 2012
Springs of Love
This blog is ironic for me to write seeing as I am a hopeless romantic! I love the cheesy, predictable chick flicks. The one where the handsome boy chases the girl and they fall madly in love in a matter of 2 days haha! The list of those movies is endless and Im pretty sure I have see most of them. Ohh for a handsome man to come riding in on a white horse and swoop me off my feet and we ride away in the sunset together (what a dream). Then reality sets in and I realize that the chances of that wish happening are slim to none. Even so I love the thought of it.
Love is what thousands of women desire and what many people go through life chasing. If you think about it love is all around us, in many different ways. Maybe the "love" of money, cars, clothes; the list is endless. Why then do people go around chasing love and never find it? Or why does their "love" of money seem to fall short to the point of disappointment? The simple answer to those questions is that the "love" those people desire or have is a love of the world. One that is planned and full of emotions that control it. We as humans constantly try to put love into a box or a emotion. However God calls us to love through the Holy Spirit " This hope does not disappoint, because God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has given it to us" (Romans 5:5).
Remember how I said the blog is ironic for me to write? Well that is because we are called to love through the Holy Spirit. WOW!! What a wake up call, our springs of love should be according to Gods standard and not our own. By springs of love I mean a source of freshness and life. So to have that love in God then there is no way that kind of love can be mine. I dont have the resources or the mind power to control or grasp that kind of love. I believe that Oswald Chambers captures this idea when he states "the springs of love are in God not in us". So what does this love look like? Well to me it is spontaneous, a fire inside that justifies a desire to follow God and we have no idea why except that we want to serve Him. Then looking back on that time we realize how much of those thoughts or emotions werent our own and then through that we can see the real love. The second I try to contain or control this I am not letting God love me, I am not allowing the Holy Spirit to have a spring of love in my life....wow that is a lot to take in. Through this whole thought process I realize I still have much to learn about Gods Love. My challenge for you is to see how Gods love can manifest itself in you this weak and the spontaneity that it brings!
Love is what thousands of women desire and what many people go through life chasing. If you think about it love is all around us, in many different ways. Maybe the "love" of money, cars, clothes; the list is endless. Why then do people go around chasing love and never find it? Or why does their "love" of money seem to fall short to the point of disappointment? The simple answer to those questions is that the "love" those people desire or have is a love of the world. One that is planned and full of emotions that control it. We as humans constantly try to put love into a box or a emotion. However God calls us to love through the Holy Spirit " This hope does not disappoint, because God's love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has given it to us" (Romans 5:5).
Remember how I said the blog is ironic for me to write? Well that is because we are called to love through the Holy Spirit. WOW!! What a wake up call, our springs of love should be according to Gods standard and not our own. By springs of love I mean a source of freshness and life. So to have that love in God then there is no way that kind of love can be mine. I dont have the resources or the mind power to control or grasp that kind of love. I believe that Oswald Chambers captures this idea when he states "the springs of love are in God not in us". So what does this love look like? Well to me it is spontaneous, a fire inside that justifies a desire to follow God and we have no idea why except that we want to serve Him. Then looking back on that time we realize how much of those thoughts or emotions werent our own and then through that we can see the real love. The second I try to contain or control this I am not letting God love me, I am not allowing the Holy Spirit to have a spring of love in my life....wow that is a lot to take in. Through this whole thought process I realize I still have much to learn about Gods Love. My challenge for you is to see how Gods love can manifest itself in you this weak and the spontaneity that it brings!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Battle of the mind
When I think of the brain I think of the place from where all my thoughts stem from. A place that is full of thoughts about everything from a small cotton swap to a decision about what to eat (which we all know is difficult haha). Anyways I constantly find myself struggling with a defeated mind. Where I blame myself for things that are out of my control or a find a memory that I wish to erase. Either way the mind is a tough thing to control. So the question I keep asking myself is why do I have such a desire to control my mind? God calls us to give our burdens to Him because His yoke is easy and HIS burden is light. Yet daily I struggle with giving control. A few days ago the thought (from my mind) came to me: I need to give my mind to Christ daily with all the struggles it carries. God repeatedly in the Bible calls us to a renewal of our mind (romans 12). This is a huge wake up call. My mind needs to be focused on what God desires instead of my own. Instead of the nonsense I find so difficult to conquer because I am MORE than a conquer through Christ Jesus. That is no battle at all but a VICTORY!! My challenge to you is to surrender your thoughts and see how God can work in your mind.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Armor of Light
My name is Cassy Wallbrown and I started this blog because some of my close friends also have blogs. It is strange to think that some people will be able to read my thoughts, this challenges me to allow my thoughts to be clear and concise haha.
I just completed my freshman year of college and I did not complete it without my fair share of struggles. Throughout those struggles I saw Gods mercy and joy. This was a experience I wish any to partake on. The great thing about God's joy is that is brings you out of the darkness and clothes you in an armor of light. In Romans 13 verse 12 it talks about such things "The night is nearly over and the daylight is near, so let us discard the deeds of the darkness and put on the ARMOR OF LIGHT." A true calling from the Lord Jesus Christ. To cast off whatever you are struggling with and put on the armor of light. To have faith that God will rescue you and to be radiant! So I encourage everyone to walk in the light amongst the darkness and to live with undaunted radiance!
I just completed my freshman year of college and I did not complete it without my fair share of struggles. Throughout those struggles I saw Gods mercy and joy. This was a experience I wish any to partake on. The great thing about God's joy is that is brings you out of the darkness and clothes you in an armor of light. In Romans 13 verse 12 it talks about such things "The night is nearly over and the daylight is near, so let us discard the deeds of the darkness and put on the ARMOR OF LIGHT." A true calling from the Lord Jesus Christ. To cast off whatever you are struggling with and put on the armor of light. To have faith that God will rescue you and to be radiant! So I encourage everyone to walk in the light amongst the darkness and to live with undaunted radiance!
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