Lets be honest, I have not written a blog post for a long time and to be honest I have no idea why. I wish right now more than anything that I could sum up my two years since my last blog post in one word but alas I can not. It is funny to think that when life gets busy the little things start to lose their shimmer and glitter. Soon the small things that gave us hope or laughter slowly fade into the background of a busy day, a stressful week and hurting soul. Although I can not sum up my past two years in one word I can say that I have personally experienced those three things I just mentioned. Life is rough, but God is bigger and His promises are better.
let me plant this word in your mind, FREEDOM!
Imagine this was William Wallace (from Braveheart) yelling out his last words before passing into death. He shouted that word with all of his heart. It is what he desired more than anything.
let me speak this word over you, TRUTH!
Imagine you were at a witness stand in a big crime scandal and they asked for the whole truth and you swore on the Bible to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
for the final thought, WISDOM!
Now you are taking a test and you studied so much or you did not study enough and you pray for wisdom. You hope that you can remember the information you once read or briefly skimmed
So why now? Why do I now decide to write a post. Well, I think it has a lot to do with the fact that this weekend I am going back to Skyview Ranch, the place where my journey started. Who knew that a camp I was so nervous to work at would change my life....Looking back on it now that summer of 2012 was the hardest summer of my life. I was challenged in every way and bent on every side but never broke. I cried endless tears and was exhausted but all the time I heard God's still, small voice saying
" I CALLED YOU HERE AND I AM JUST BEGINNING"
Umm okay God I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about but fine, I am here at Skyview and I will listen. That summer was indeed the beginning I was tired, and stretched to my limits but God was FAITHFUL. I felt lonely and sad but God was LOVING. Those are the two qualities that I needed to learn in order to get me through my sophomore year of college.
Lets have a flash back moment, if I am honest with myself (which I learned is the best thing to be) the only reason I opened my heart up to God that summer at Skyview was because I knew I needed Him to get me through each day. I love Skyview Ranch for that very reason, it showed me that I needed God everyday, a lesson I soon forgot during my sophomore year.
Sophomore year of college I was a mess, a wreck, a anxious girl who shut out emotions and pretended everything was alright. A girl who said she was living for God but was actually running because I was running from everything at that point. I got so good at running that I did not even realize I was doing it. I ran myself right into a big puddle of quicksand where I was trapped and sinking. The best part is that I was to stubborn to cry for help and to helpless to cry. I was on academic probation and my nursing career was failing. Through it all I couldn't of cared less I told myself the lie of
"Oh everything will be alright, this is not that big of a deal, God works everything out, I don't have to be good at nursing" The lies were endless just like my stress.
I could not get free of the quick sand and I was no longer hearing God's voice. I was continuing to sink under the lies that I heard and then began to believe. The girl who learned that she needed God everyday became the girl that fought with God everyday. I was an anxious mess.
Pause, time out! What about those words you posted? Freedom, Truth, Wisdom?? The story does not end here. After my sophomore year ended I began working at another summer camp Gull Lake Ministries (GLM). I know summer camp junkie right here!! I knew I had one more semester at Indiana Wesleyan University to get off of academic probation or I was not going to be able to graduate from IWU with a nursing degree. Pressure is on and I stuck in quicksand.....great! I started working at GLM and boy was it great! I remember reading my bible one morning and I heard
" I CALLED YOU HERE AND I AM JUST BEGINNING"
Funny God, really funny. See you, God, you got me into this mess and I am not relying on You to get me out of it so yeah....rollin the stubborn strength train!! Ohh but boy was I wrong and boy was my heart soften that summer of 2013. I began to see that the work God has started in my life at Skyview was not to teach me another lesson I will forget but to teach me a lesson I will have no choice but to face. I realized this when God spoke to me at GLM and everything came full circle. I had been in this quicksand for so long that it was all I came to know and God said
" NO LONGER WILL YOU SIT IDLE,NO LONGER WILL YOU NOT LISTEN TO MY WORDS"
When God speaks it is the servants (which is me) job to listen and when you listen God is just beginning. So now back to those three words...they are the words that I choose to live by. Freedom encompasses hope and joy. Truth encompasses humility and teachableness. Wisdom encompasses love and passion. After deciding to listen to God and get out of the quick sand I gained a new perspective on life. It was not easy and I am still in the process of listening but boy was it an amazing journey. So next time you are willing to listen to God think of how He is just beginning.
